Arguments & how to resolve them with love
Marital conflicts – what are the things couples commonly argue over?
“We don’t talk; we just argue or fight!” Sounds familiar? It is normal for couples to argue due to disagreements over issues in their daily lives. They argue about many things from big issues such as money and parenting right down to the smallest details like the colour of the walls during renovation. Long story short, anything could give rise to arguments between couples.
According to TOUCH Family, some of the most common issues that they have observed couples bickering over are:
- Money matters – There is a Chinese saying which goes “Don’t talk about money – you’ll hurt the relationship!” Money matters are “sensitive matters” that can evoke arguments due to differing values and upbringing between a couple. For example, a wife may have no qualms splurging on a branded item. On the other hand, her spouse may have been taught to only spend on what’s necessary and not indulge in luxurious/branded items. This disagreement on spending habits may emerge as a point of contention between the couple.
- Excessive use of IT gadgets – Most of us own some form of mobile device and it is not uncommon to see people glued to them, even while walking on the streets. After all, our mobile devices can provide endless entertainment and keep us connected with the online community. Hence, children and adults alike can easily be sucked into using these gadgets and neglect spending quality face-to-face time with their loved ones who may be physically present right beside them.
- Lack of communication – Due to work commitments and the constant use of gadgets, we now spend less time communicating with each other face-to-face. The lack of constant quality face-to-face communication can give rise to miscommunication. As the degree of miscommunication escalates between a couple, the chances of being misunderstood increases, leading to dissatisfaction in the relationship and arguments.
Now that we are aware of these issues which could give rise to conflicts in a marriage, let’s make the effort to intentionally steer our actions and words in the right direction to preserve and build our marriages.
Disagreements are inevitable. The good news is that they can be managed with honesty, love and respect. If handled properly, disagreements or conflicts can even strengthen a relationship as they present opportunities for the couple to communicate each other’s needs or motives and know each other’s real underlying concerns. A deeper level of understanding can be achieved when couples take the time to listen and hear each other out.
It is good for couples to remember that the key to communication is seeing things from the other person’s perspective. You can try doing so through the following ways:
- Calm yourself down and put your own emotions aside.
- Try asking your spouse questions and seek to understand their point of view. Observe their body language, analyse the words they use, and try to understand how they are feeling.
- Develop empathy by putting yourself in your spouse’s shoes and move the discussion in an objective and loving way.
Ultimately, successfully resolving an argument lies not in agreement but rather, a mutual understanding of each other’s minds or perceptions – bearing in mind that we are all different in the first place and sometimes, it is better to “agree to disagree”.
** The above article has been reproduced with permission by TOUCH Community Services. TOUCH Family offers counselling services as well as regular family life education talks, workshops and courses.
(** PHOTO CREDIT: Unsplash)